In the beginning, I thought I knew what I wanted, but since last I wrote in here, I have put myself through mind-exhausting games, and at my age, I think this is ridiculous; then again, nobody said that life was easy and fair, and the time that I spent on hiatus was helpful to realize a few things. This is why I'm back -that, and also because Mitch bought me a mini laptop especially for my blogging and writing crap; we used his credit card which gives us what we need, we pay it right away, and every one is happy. My boo is the whole package, and I am one lucky motherfucker.
Now back to my "oh-what-an-eye-opening" sob story.
I talked to Mitch about the mixed feelings I had about my job; it's just getting to me. People are, I mean. Before when I had the temp office job, I missed the one-on-one interaction I'd have with the people at the restaurant, and I really enjoy it, and I am goddamn good at it as well -at least, I'd like to think so. But lately, I've been having issues with myself and my internal voices telling me that I should quit everything and just leave; start all over somewhere else. I know I said that before, and it is one of my things to check off in my bucket list, but I am not stupid, I know the situations, and I know when to listen to my instinct. Also, I have this little thing that we call LOGIC. Yes, I have been cursed with it, and this seems to be what the problem is with the type of job I have. People underestimate those working at fast food places, and that is one big mistake. We are making your food, for Gaga's sake! Golden rule when you eat out, people. I guess the bottom line is that I cannot stay stuck where I'm at; it's not that is a bad job, because I do like it, but it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to be able to help youth; first I thought I could do psychology or social work, but my financial circumstances haven't allowed me to do so. I still have that intention, and I will fulfill this, it might take me a while but I will get there. Sometimes it feels like I can't take it anymore, but (not trying to be all cliche) I've been through enough and worse to know that I will achieve my goals.
In order to do so though, I need to follow a very strict routine so I can check off things that need to be done; baby steps, or as popular saying goes, no one can eat the world in a bite.
This brings me to what I did over my five-day vacation last week. My childhood friend came to visit; we hadn't seen each other in about ten years, and he has lived in Chicago all this time! Anyway, we had our weekend of reminiscing and hanging out, catching up with his life and all, getting to know his boyfriend and one of their friends. It was pretty fun, and I although I am not a fan of the mall, I spent around half a day in that place; my anxiety pills ran out quickly, but it was worth it. We walked around downtown taking pictures, you know, playing the tourist role. And by the end of the visit, I realized I've learned quite a few things about myself and my life, and on this part I want to share them with you.
As I have said in previous posts, and I probably have told you this in person as well (if you and I know each other, that is) but I was raised in a very modest home; we didn't have much, but we always aimed higher. And as long as we had food in our fridge, the rest of fancy things did not really matter. Cliche much? Yes, probably; yet, true. Of course we yearn for those things, and we tried, but we just couldn't afford them. Point is, I was kind of nervous as to what my friend was going to say about my house. Some of you guys have visited, and it's not the biggest or cutest mansion, but I am proud to say that it is one of my accomplishments, and for now it's just okay; I will upgrade, but in the meantime, life is good around here. I'm making memories with an amazing man that loves me, and a dog that loves playing around the yard when we come home; and I believe, my friends, that should be more important than a castle.
I guess, when it comes down to it, and after venting, I always conclude that family is my main priority. Every thing that I do, I do it for them, both Mitchell and Charlie, as well as my mother and brothers. They have been with me all along, and I want to be the best for them. Also, my closest friends that have been on my side through thick and thin so they deserve a special mention, always. Thank you all for putting up with me.
with love,
Adrian.