Every person with a partner brings baggage into their relationship; the trick to keep it healthy, I would say, is to give five little things that will make a huge difference in the end. And God knows that I learned the hard way! It took me till 2010 to come up with these "requirements" to date me, when I hit rock bottom and I thought I was destined to stay alone for the rest of my life. I know, pretty dramatic.
We all have that one friend that keeps on saying "fuck love", "team single", "I'm doing me", "Me, myself, and I". And if you can't think of someone in your circle of friends that fits this description, then, I have bad news for you: you are that annoying friend. But truth is, you do care and you do want someone to come home to, or spend hours on the phone until late night talking about nothing. Mankind needs of each other; don't try to feed me other bull. Either way, let's go back to the points that have helped me be the best for my partner, and expect the same in return.
Honesty.
Always tell it as it is, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you. Recently, I must confess, I broke news to my boyfriend of almost three years, and for a few hours I thought I was going to lose him. It's a feeling that I do not wish upon anybody; I cannot even describe it. But we are working through it. Our deal was clear, and we are following through our compromise. After I finally verbalized what I wanted to say for a while now, it all became real --the past and the response. But it's out in the open and it feels different, even awkward, but it is better. And it can only move forward from here.
Respect.
Before anything, we are humans and have feelings. We need to set boundaries and be careful to never step over them. For your own good as well. It's only common sense. No need to explain, I hope.
Understanding.
Once we've set the boundaries, be aware that there is a reason why we have put these in the first place. I told Mitchell that my family is very important to me (which is the main reason why I kept quiet what I recently revealed to him) and he now knows more than anything how far I would go for them. I also know where he stands with his family, and we both compromise to attend to both sides. It's only fair, since our families have been nothing but supportive from the moment they knew about us. But that is only one example of this aspect. There are several, depending on what you and your partner have going on in your lives.
Trust.
If you are giving your best, and your partner reciprocates, your relationship should be in a good place. The past three things will bring you to trust each other, and be able to do your own thing without doubting or thinking what the other is really doing. Some times it happens, I know I used to do this all the time, but with time, I've gotten better. I mean, after two whole years, I better have this down, right? But here and there, I always spot the hoe trying to come in between; but I just have to breathe in and let it slide. Mitchell knows what he'll be losing if he fucks up. And I know that I will be losing probably the best I've found if I did.
Space.
And every now and then, spend some time on your favorite hobby and give each other some time alone. I know I need it when I want to write or just go through my notebooks looking for things to write about. Mitchell knows that my sacred time in the office is to not be interrupted, and everybody is happy. Yes, I am a maniac when it comes to details, I am very annoying -and you'd know this if you know me well or if you work with me. But you'll be okay if you have a chance to clear up your head by doing something that relaxes you; or whatever you do to focus again.
But just remember that LOVE is giving your heart to someone and hoping they won't break it. Love is taking a risk, and giving your all to keep it growing. Love is a flower, don't squeeze it too hard, and always water it.