And the countdown begins!
If I take a look back to reflect on what this decade in the US has made of my life, I could sadly say that I let some good opportunities pass me by for the fear of rejection, failure, and embarrassment. I am the one to blame, and I can do nothing about it now, but to say, DAMN WHAT IF?
I don't want to do that, though.
Yet, if I am going to move on, I need to let go of regrets, and look at what I actually accomplished.
In a few more years, I will no longer be in my twenties (which will suck because I will have to change the name to this blog, and I really like it), and I want to make the transition as painless as I can :)
I won't be a "young man" anymore. I will be more accountable for every single move I make. As of right now, I can still get away with some stuff, but not as many as I would want to; it's not okay, but I can put it on my inexperience. Five years from now, my mother will be the one to tell me that I know better than to do whatever I may be doing; no excuses, no BUTs. Actually, my mother wouldn't have to tell me anything because I myself would be wiser enough to differentiate; anyone in their right mind must know when we fuck up. It's common sense. It's logic.
I don't know where this blog is going, I guess I'm just rambling, scared of knowing that I am slowly falling into my old age, and it's scary indeed. For example, what am I doing with my life? Is what I'm doing the right decision? What if I fail? What if I don't get to where I want to get? I don't want to feel like that teenager I once was, that teenager was mean for a reason: he was fucking terrified of growing up.
Today, I have a family to support. A mother that will soon become older, and she'll probably end up in my care, and I feel like I haven't accomplished enough. I feel like what I have, what I once felt proud of, is not going to cut it anymore. Am I the only one with this fear going through my mind? Is there anyone else feeling like this? I want my birthday to be a happy one, but the more I think about it, the more scared I get.