Monday, April 29, 2013

Change Of Heart

Sundays are usually chill and easy, at work, but yesterday just didn't feel right.
I went in to work with this knot in my chest, but I ignored it once the BF came in to visit for a little bit.
We got busy, so I had one second person get back on the clock, and help us out clean up and close. Every thing seemed normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. The BF left so I could finish cleaning up the lobby, and once I'm done, I head towards the office as I make sure my coworker is doing fine with the order she's about to cash out; half way to the office, I turned around to get something, and that's when my legs gave up and I fall to the ground when I hear "GIVE IT ALL UP!" and a shotgun is shoved through the Drive Thru window. My coworkers first reaction was to run to the back of the kitchen, and as I try to react, I see the man in black hoodie and half covered face trying to get in through the window, or what it seemed like it.
I can only manage to scream at my coworkers to go to the office, and we lock ourselves in there until the cops show up. 
I cannot describe how I felt at the moment. Today, I feel angry.
It went from freaked out and scared, to unsafe, to powerless for not doing much for my coworkers as I should have, to absolutely angry at the world. I was refusing to write about it, but it helps me clear my head, and I feel like this way I won't have to relive it in my head over and over; I had enough of it last night when the cops, doing their job, continued to ask the same questions forcing us to replay the scene. I'm done repeating myself regarding last night's events. I just want to feel safe, and that my coworkers can trust people again. It is not fair that we are staying in late to work for our paychecks while other low-life dirtbags think is okay to point a gun at you and terrorize you to give them money. Not okay at all. What kind of people just decide to do this for a living? I cannot comprehend the reasoning behind it, and honestly, I don't give a fuck about any of them. I just want them off the streets. Sadly enough, I am sure they have people that do care about them, and it'd be selfish of me to wish them death, but when you are in a place that you can't feel safe anymore, you will probably think the same that I do. God forgive me for such words, but for ten years I struggled with my family, some times we only had money to keep a roof over our heads, and we'd manage to eat whatever we could at school, and AT WORK while we waited on the next paycheck  to buy some groceries, if we had any leftover money after paying utilities; but never we had the idea to go and rob others to keep us well. Ten fucking years of struggle, but it never crossed my mind to stray off the path that I know was the right one, and do something so stupid and dirty. NEVER.
So if you read this, don't judge me. Let me vent my anger, please, I may change my mind in a couple of weeks, when I recover and feel somewhat safe again, but for now, I just want to say what it's eating my mind, and try to make the healing process faster. I am not a hateful person, I know I'll find the strength to forgive and forget, and leave it up to the MAN up above, that's all I can do for now.